Festival Bible: Your Ultimate A-Z Guide

Words By Isabelle Hellyer
March 22, 2016
Festivals are a big effort—borrowing a tent, trekking there, looking out for your mates—but if you play your cards right, it's all worth it. Yes to tackle a festival, you've basically got to be a modern-day Indiana Jones. Luckily Vice recently gave everyone a bit of a helping hand by publishing the the ultimate A-Z guide of festivals. Here's everything to expect! #CaptainMorgan #Drinkresponsibly

This article is presented in partnership with our friends at Vice and Captain Morgan.


Depending on what kind of festival you’re going to, the biggest challenge on arrival will be the power-tripping security at the gates, or rocking up so late you have to set up your tent in the dark. Time this well.


That’s what we’re all there for, right? Even if it’s not an EDM festival, every genre’s full of a few classics. Personally, I think Dolly Parton’s ‘Jolene’ is the original banger and if there’s a festival where she’s on the bill, you should go.


You’ve gone all in. You’re not just going to a one-day festival at your city’s showground, you’ve committed to a night or three in a field somewhere. Your campsite will be your home now, so make sure it’s a good one. But not so good you become that person that doesn’t see a single act at the festival because they’ve chilled at the campsite for three days straight.


You know that phrase “dance like nobody’s watching”? It’s not just a naff saying on your Aunt’s Pinterest; those are words to live by.


Like Drake says, “I got enemies, got a lot of enemies/Got a lot of people tryna drain me of this energy.” In this case, you will be your own enemy, because your drive to stay up til sunrise will drain you of your energy. That’s cool, it’s what festivals are for. Just make sure you don’t hit 0%–a power nap will get you charged up.



“Have I seen you around before?” “Don’t think so.” “Nah man! I’m sure I have!” You will have this conversation at least once. It will take at least fifteen minutes to escape.


Festivals are a great place to remember that playing cards with friends is actually much more entertaining than watching Ten Most Mysterious Google Earth Sightings on YouTube by yourself, which is probably what you’d be doing if you weren’t at this festival. Big Two and Bullshit are our recommendations.


It’s three in the morning, you’re walking back to your tent, and you’ve got to tell your mate how much you love them, because it’s a whole lot. You’ll definitely have a few of these conversations, and they’ll definitely end with, “We should hang more.” Make an effort to actually follow through.


We don’t mean OJ. We’re reminding you that there will not be power outlets at this festival, and your phone will die within the first two hours if you don’t come prepared. Get one of those portable chargers, and make sure your friends get them so they’re not scabbing yours.


If you find a nice person at the festival who wants to do this with you, you should.

Losing Your Mates

This will happen, so try to set an HQ where you can find each other if you get separated. Calling this place HQ will make you feel less like a lost husband turning themselves into mall concierge to find their wives, even though that’s basically who you’ve become.

Click HERE to read the rest, bought to you by Captain Morgan’s Tales of Adventure.

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